Elephant in the Room

Ultrasounds

2010-02-10T13:26:00.000-05:00

Wow, I am a terrible blogger. I have been meaning to update about my ultrasounds – I’ve had TWO since I last updated – but our scanner is broken and I kept forgetting to bring the pics into work to scan. No pictures still, but at least an update. Both ultrasounds went well (one at 7 weeks and one last week at 9 weeks). Baby is measuring right on track and had a wonderful heartbeat – 131 bps at 7 weeks and 176 at 9 weeks. I have now officially graduated from the RE and will have another ultrasound around 12 weeks at my regular OB.

The sickness hasn’t gotten any better. I took Zo.fr.an at 7 weeks, but that made me feel terrible, so switched to Ph.ene.rgan at 8 weeks. I have had maybe two days since there where I haven’t puked, but for the most part I only puking once a day (instead of 3-4 times before). I am so grateful to be pregnant and at the same time I CANNOT wait for this part of the pregnancy to be over! I started feeling better around 13-14 weeks with Grace – although I wasn’t this sick with her. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this ends right at 12 weeks, if not sooner!

I am 10 weeks today…and it still hasn’t quite sunk in that I am pregnant.

Haiti

2010-01-16T20:28:00.000-05:00

My husband left for Haiti today. He was told to expect to be gone about a month. The call came at 2 am this morning that he was going. He does have a satellite phone so I hope to be able to talk to him at least a little. The devastation there is heartbreaking. I am really proud of him for going, but also a little scared for him of what he is going to see.

My ultrasound is scheduled for Friday afternoon. My mom is flying into town for it. We had not planned on telling anyone until after we heard the heartbeat, but neither of us wanted me to be alone for the ultrasound. My mom is thrilled for us and happy to come into town to play with Grace.

Queasiness set in on Friday. It comes and goes – worse in the mornings and at night. So far I haven’t gotten sick, but I am sure it is coming. I started throwing up around 7 weeks with Grace. I am a little over 6 weeks now.

Beta # 3

2010-01-12T15:30:00.003-05:00

My third beta on Friday was 1124! Since I don't know when I ovulated it is hard to compare my numbers to my pregnancy with Grace or websites like beta base. The good news is that it doubled again! My ultrasound scheduled for next Thursday. I know the days are going to drag out until then!

No pregnancy symptoms yet, but I have a really bad pain in my low back on the left side - sort of near my kidney. It throbs a bit when I sit down but when I stand up it takes my breath away and I limp for the first few steps. I googled signs of an eptopic and it doesn’t sound like that. I have a call into my RE’s office. I am sure it is nothing but anything out of the ordinary, especially in early pregnancy, scares the crap out of me.

15 months

2010-01-05T21:20:00.000-05:00

I can’t believe Grace is already 15 months old! She now weighs a whopping 19.5 lbs (5th percentile) and is 29 7/8 inches long (25th percentile). She continues to be a healthy little peanut, although a bit low on her iron. I’ve been trying to give her iron supplement drops for a while, but she hates them. The dr suggested we put the drops in chocolate pudding – no dice, she spit the first bite out. Trying to figure out the next food item to disguise the drops. Any ideas?

I didn’t make a New Year’s resolution, but I have been trying to cook healthier and more often. I find that my days with Grace run smoothly until about 4 when I start to think about preparing dinner and she starts to get clingy. She doesn’t really want me to hold her, but she also doesn’t want me to do anything where she isn’t the focus. I probably should start doing meal prep earlier in the day, but I have yet to get that productive. I did try two yummy big.gest los.er recipes this week – pork tenderloin and cauliflower. They were quick, easy and healthy – exactly the kind of recipe I am looking for. I am trying to build my recipe box with these types of recipes to if you have any please post!

Second Beta

2010-01-04T19:23:00.002-05:00

Thanks so much for the support! You all were right – I must have ovulated late. My second beta today (cycle day 35) was 257! I am so relived. I know I am not out of the woods, but I do feel much better about things today. I have another blood test on Friday.

My husband left today for a week of training, so I told him the good news over the phone just like I did when I found out my betas with Grace.

Thanks again for all the positive comments!

Maybe?

2009-12-31T13:12:00.001-05:00

My RE appointment last month went really well. He agreed with me that we should start were we left off – Fe.ma.ra – rather than doing any tests. He also said we could do an IUI the first cycle or wait until I am ready. I got pregnant with Grace using Fe.ma.ra and having an IUI.

I started Fe.mar.a this cycle. We were going to be at a ski lodge during the fertile days – day 14-16 based on my previous Fe.ma.ra cycles, so I wasn’t sure how often I would be able to use the OPK’s to test. It turns out zero since I forgot the tests and OPK’s are not in the markets on the top of a mountain!

I must have ovulated because this morning – cycle day 31, I got a positive! A light line on FR and a ‘pregnant’ on a CBE digital. My RE was even able to get me in for blood work this morning with results back this afternoon. They just called – my beta is 20. I was devastated, but the nurse said it isn’t bad since I haven’t really missed a period before. My normal periods are really long, but my periods on Fe.ma.ra are more normal. I looked back and on cycle day 32 my beta with Grace was 211. I go back in on Monday to see if it doubled. The nurse remained really positive and congratulated me, but I can’t help but be pessimistic.

Has anyone heard of such a low beta turning into a viable pregnancy? I know I could have ovulated late, so I am holding out hope that is the case here.

Tubes and more

2009-10-21T09:55:00.001-04:00

Grace is getting tubes! While I am not looking forward to surgery, I am really glad that she will have relief from constant ear infections. The ENT said recurrent ear infections during non-ear infection season are a good sign that she needs tubes. I asked about side effects and he said one complaint he hears a lot is increased mobility! It makes sense that her balance gets screwed up with an ear infection but I thought it was a pretty funny side effect of surgery.

In other news, my husband had hernia surgery on Monday. What an ordeal that was! We were told to show up at 10:30. The surgery is a 15 minute procedure, so I figured we would be home at 3 at the latest – in plenty of time to pick Grace up from daycare. Wrong! We left the house at 9 and pulled back in at 9 at night! Other than that, the surgery went well. He is at home recovering. My new challenge is trying to convince him not to do too much. Some men are babies when they are sick/recovering, but he is the extreme opposite. He gets offended if he so much as thinks he is being babied and generally tries to do more than he is allowed to by the doctor. This should be a fun couple of weeks!

I am finally getting to go on a girl’s weekend, sans baby! I am so excited! Originally I was waiting until Grace was weaned. Then we found out about the hernia surgery, so I wanted to wait until he was completely healed from it before leaving him with Grace. Not only do we have the weekend planned, but I bought plane tickets so it is official! Yay!

Sinus Hell

2009-10-15T16:11:00.000-04:00

I started getting sinus infections for the first time this past April. From April – July I was treated by our military clinic or urgent care centers. In July I finally received a referral to go to an ENT. They determined that I am allergic to just about every spring blooming tree. I am still unclear on why I have never had a sinus/allergy problem until now and how I got another infection in September (when all the spring trees have already bloomed).

Today was my follow-up appointment to see if the second round of antibiotics cleared up the infection. The CT scan revealed a fully blocked sinus. It was unbelievable to see the blockage on the left side of my face – from my jawbone to my eye socket. They took a culture and it turns out that this infection is resistant to all but 4 drugs, and only one of those drugs is in oral form the others are in IV form. The infection is a form of resistant strep, which apparently is not good at all.

I am on the oral medicine for a three week trail. If this doesn’t work he said they will have to put a picc line in to give me the IV meds. The other option is surgery. I was floored! I still can’t believe what I thought was a simple sinus infection has turned into a freaking nightmare.

He wants to see Grace immediately because he thinks there is a possibility she has it too – in the form of recurrent ear infections. Either way he thinks she is ready for tubes (6 ear infections since 4 months old) but he wants to see her soon to make sure she doesn’t have anything else. She has an appointment tomorrow afternoon. I am worried but since I am still so confused on everything I am not even sure what to google before the appointment - which is probably what is saving my sanity right now.

On the TTC front he told me to stop trying for now. This type of infection is something that needs to be completely cleared before getting pregnant. Plus the meds I am on now have not been tested for pregnancy. I am really glad I stopped nursing when Grace turned one otherwise I wouldn’t have any options for meds.

All in all today has been a huge shock for me. I hope to get more answers when I go back with Grace tomorrow.

Frustrated!

2009-10-13T08:58:00.001-04:00

We still have not been able to get the seasonal flu vaccine for Grace! Her one year check-up was two weeks ago and the dr's office is still out of the vaccine. I just spoke to the receptionist who advised me to call back on Friday to see if they have received the vaccine. She said they are not even being told when to expect it. I am so frustrated!

Grace had her first stomach bug last week which gave me a peek into how terrible the flu could be. She was so sad and listless, even after she stopped puking. Thankfully it was just a 24 hour bug, but it sure was a crappy 24 hours!

Is anyone else having a problem getting the seasonal flu vaccine?

Starting Again

2009-10-07T10:37:00.005-04:00

I can't believe it has already been a year - time really does fly by. We didn't have a big party for Grace, just a few friends and family. She HATED the cake, which I find very surprising becuase I love sweets and B has a sweet tooth too. He is really proud of her - thinks this is the start to good, clean healthy living for her! :)

I decided to make an appointment with my RE. I have been off the pill since Grace was about 3 months old, but we haven't been officially trying - i.e. taking temps, OPK's, etc. Since we don't know what was wrong in the first place we decided to start back with the RE. The appointment is Nov 2 and is a consultation. I hope he will just have us start where we left off - Fe.ma.ra and IUI. I really don't want to put my body through any more tests or meds when we know what finally worked last time. We'll see if he agrees with me.

Grace enjoying her cake!

Over

2009-07-13T20:28:00.003-04:00

Thanks for the concern - I really appreciate the support. I started bleeding yesterday afternoon. The ob's office called today to tell me that the pregnancy is not viable. After finding out I already started bleeding they asked me to come in later this week for another blood test to make sure my number goes back to zero. Awesome.

2009-07-12T09:59:00.003-04:00

I took another test this morning. This one was negative. I wonder when I will start bleeding. I am on day cd 48.

Confusion

2009-07-10T15:01:00.004-04:00

I went to the doctor today to find out for sure if I am pregnant. Even though I have had four positive tests I was still nervous. Turns out I had good reason to be nervous - the pee test at the clinic came back negative...twice. They did a blood test and just called me with the result. She said my HCG is 15 - and congratulated me. Isn't this bad news? I assume she was giving me my beta. My beta at 18 dpo when I miscarried was 14. My beta at 14 dpiui with Grace was 211. I have no idea when I ovulated, but I still don't think a 15 sounds like reason to celebrate.

This was not my ob/gyn office, it was our crappy military clinic that I have to go in order to get a referral to my ob/gyn. I was pretty upset when I got the negative at the clinic, and given my history they were nice enough to give me a referral to see my regular dr this afternoon. The ob/gyn office also took bloodwork which won't be back until Monday. I am not feeling optimistic.

Car seats and more

2009-07-08T16:17:00.000-04:00

We are now in the market for the next stage of car seats. We have narrowed it down to a Britax – either the Marathon or Boulevard. They are so freaking expensive! I’ve found a few places online to get them cheaper, but still expensive. Oy!

Grace is still well below the limits of her infant seat, but we will be driving to Boston in a few weeks and I thought she might be more comfortable in the bigger seat. Not sure it will make much of a difference to her, but will make me feel better about having her in it for so long!

In other news, my contract at work is expiring at the end of the month. After about a month of working full-time I decided I couldn’t handle it. Grace goes to sleep around 7-7:30, so I only got to spend an hour or two with her each night. Plus my husband is out of town about 50% of the year, which just made things tougher. I know people do it every day and my hat is off to them! My work has been great and offered me part-time on a 6 month contract. My boss says he still needs me based on workload, but has to go up two levels in the chain of command to get it approved. I should be finding out any day now. Keeping my fingers crossed – I am going with the ‘no news, is good news’ mindset.

And in still other news – I finally got my period at the end of May. The 16 months or so of no period was glorious! I still have not gotten period #2. My cycles were long and irregular in the past – at least 40 days. I realized that Sunday was day 41 and since I had a leftover pregnancy test and I love to pee on sticks, I decided to take a test. Negative. I repeated this insanity yesterday and had a VERY faint line resembling an absorption line. I thought I checked it in the right amount of time, but I couldn’t be certain. I promised myself I would wait to test again until at least Thursday…until this morning when I tested again. And again got a VERY faint line. This time I know I checked at the 2 minute mark. The line is no darker than yesterday and all but disappears when I fully extend my arm away from my face. So a foot away from my face I can see a faint line and 2+ feet away from my face (yes, I have very long arms) I can no longer see the line.

I have no idea what to think, so I am pretending nothing has happened since in reality no sane person would think anything really has happened. I haven’t even told my husband because there is no reason to get his hopes up if it turns out to be nothing. Long story short – I have three tests left and I am going to try to hold off on taking them for a few days.

MIA

2009-06-18T12:55:00.006-04:00

If there was an award for the worst blogger of the year, I would probably get it. I have become the dreaded blogger who doesn’t update once the baby is born.
I doubt there is anyone out there who will check back in with me after 8 months of being MIA – but just in case I wanted to update.

Grace is truly the light of my life. She is almost 9 months old and is crawling all over the place. I can’t believe she has been in our lives for this long…it seems like just yesterday I found out I was pregnant.

This community gave me so much support during our TTC journey – I definitely would not have gotten through the process without it, at least not with my sanity. I still read your blogs all of the time, although I am about as good of a commentor as I am blog updater.

I have tossed around the idea of starting a family/baby blog – I feel a bit uncomfortable using this blog (which I started solely as an outlet for my IF problems) as a baby blog. Of course I will probably be just as crappy at updating there as I am here so I am not so sure. When/if I start a baby blog I will post a link for anyone interested.

Here are some pictures of Grace. She sure has changed since the last time I posted pictures!

Showing off her new teeth!

At her baptism

Playing in the pool with Molly:

2008-10-21T11:35:00.002-04:00

My mom was in town all last week and it was wonderful! Grace has a very fussy period during the evening so having another pair of hands around was very helpful. She is sleeping pretty well at night thanks to this - it truly has been a miracle for us! She is sleeping about three hours before waking up at night and for the most part I can get her to go back to sleep after nursing during the night. Although last night she was wide awake after our 3am feeding!

Yesterday was my first real day alone! B left for out of town training yesterday morning and will be back on Friday. My pediatrician suggested trying gripe water to help with her fussy times (which at times can be most of the day!) I don't know if it was the gripe water or her being exhausted from screaming most of the day Sunday - but yesterday went pretty well. She was only fussy from 8-10:30 last night.

My mother-in-law comes into town today to help for the rest of the week. I am so grateful for all of the help! I don't know how I am going to do it when B deploys.

Home Alone

2008-10-10T14:40:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was B's first day back to work. The day went pretty well - I even got a shower and a walk at the park in. Today has been a little more challenging but I have a sleeping baby now (even if it took an hour car ride to get her there!) so I am happy.

Has anyone ever heard of getting vertigo after delivery? Last Friday - a week and a half after Grace was born - I thought I was coming down with a stomach virus with upset stomach, dizziness, etc. I called the doctor and they confirmed a stomach virus going around and I was more susceptible because of being post partum. That night the dizziness got so bad I fell several times - which scared the hell out of B and I. Now the dizziness stayed and the other symptoms have pretty much gone away. I am not dizzy every day but when I am, I can't shake it. I am hoping this is just a hormonal issue that will work its way out versus actual vertigo which from what I understand has no cause or cure. Awesome.

If anyone has any advice on the vertigo I would love to hear it. Thanks!

She is here!

2008-10-07T20:41:00.003-04:00

Grace was born at 1:01am Wednesday, September 24th weighing in at 5 lbs 12 oz and 17.5 inches long. My water broke on the way to the doctor's office 3 days before my due date. We are so in love with her! Here are some pictures:

Cold + 33 Weeks Pregnant =

2008-08-13T17:04:00.001-04:00

Peeing on myself. Oy! I never thought at 31 one of my biggest concerns throughout the day would be sneezing and immediately peeing my pants. Even panty liners haven’t completely solved this problem. I have taken to wearing black pants and crossing my legs really hard whenever the urge to sneeze strikes – a little awkward if I sneeze while walking.

Our kitchen is still a disaster zone! B has done an amazing job ripping out the current tile and laying the slate tile we picked out. He should be done with the tile by the end of the week, paint over the weekend, and hopefully schedule the cabinets / countertops to be delivered next week or the week after. Once the cabinets/countertops are in we can start moving the contents of the cabinets/countertops from the nursery to the kitchen. Then we can move the extra bedroom furniture out of the nursery and actually move the nursery into the nursery (which is currently in the basement)!

I can’t believe that my due date is less than 7 weeks away!

Kitchen

2008-07-31T10:37:00.006-04:00

Before B left for deployment we decided to renovate our kitchen. The reason being that we HATE our tile – glossy white tile (with hunter green grout!) and dogs do not mix – and the countertops are old white formica-type that are just cheap looking. We will be getting new cabinets, granite counterops, tile floors, and a new paint color.

This is what the kitchen looked when we first moved in (there are now pictures on the wall and blinds on the window):

We decided to use an Amish guy that several of our friends have used. They warned us that he does not work on what we would consider normal timeframes – more he does not work on timeframes period. We have two friends that have used him and while his work was beautiful, he was significantly behind schedule on both projects.

This was not a problem for us because we couldn’t do anything until B came home from deployment. I started talking to the guy in April – explaining what we want, having him come measure, etc. We decided on an August 15th deadline (knowing that our friends said to give a 2-3 week grace period on that deadline).

They are only doing our cabinets and countertops – B is doing the demolition of old cabinets/countertops, ripping up/retiling the floor, and painting. B started ripping up the tile a few nights ago. I had a message this morning that they are ready to install the cabinets tomorrow!

This is what our kitchen floor currently looks like:

– and we can’t use the beautiful hardwoods under the crappy tile because the idiots that put the tile in ruined it!

Holy hell!

2008-07-28T15:34:00.002-04:00

Congratulations to Kristen! She had her beautiful baby boy on Saturday!

-and-

Congratulations to Geohde on the birth of her twins!

-and-

Congratulations to Road Blocks and Roller Coasters on the birth of her beautiful baby girl!

Whirlwind

2008-07-27T23:06:00.001-04:00

I am now 31 weeks! You think I would be used to pregnancy by now, but I am still shocked about 50% of the time when I pass by a mirror and see my profile.

It has been so hectic since B returned from deployment. Poor guy barely had time to adjust to the time zone change and the gigantic wife before all hell seemed to break loose.

July 18 – My parents, sister-in-law, and his mom arrive in town for the baby shower. That is 6 people in our very small, 3 bedroom home.

July 19 – Baby shower and my 31st birthday. The shower was wonderful. Everyone was so thoughtful and generous. B damn near had a heart attack when we unloaded all of the loot! :)

July 20 – All of our houseguests head home. Then about 9pm we find that my grandmother (mom’s mom) passed away earlier that evening. She was 87 and in okay health, but told my aunt earlier in the week that she was ready to go be with my grandfather.

July 21 – Wake up around 2 am with horrible back pain. Over the next few hours I try everything – walk, change beds, change positions, read a book to take my mind off of it – but nothing helps. Somewhere in there I throw up twice. Around 5:30 call the on-call doctor who tells me to go to labor & delivery triage because she is worried about kidney stones. After 5 hours and tons of tests we find out that I have a kidney infection. I am now a little worried about labor because that was the worst pain I have ever been in – and it was just an infection!

July 23 – 26 – Fly to Wyoming for my grandmothers’ funeral. I am so glad my doctor allowed me to go. I felt I really needed to be there, not just for me but for my mom as well. I am also so thankful that B was back so he could be here with me. Even though I know my grandmother went peacefully and is now with my grandfather, it is still so hard to lose a loved one. We are using her name, Rosemary, as our little girl’s middle name.

We both hope that the next few weeks are uneventful!

He is Home!

2008-07-17T12:39:00.003-04:00

B is finally home! I am so happy. The look on his face was priceless when he saw my belly. He kept rubbing it and staring at it all night. He felt her move a few hours after he got home. It was amazing! She didn't move for him right away (I think he thought she might move on command :) ) But after we ate dinner she started her usual gymnastics and he was able to feel and see the movement.

He has already put together the crib and bookshelf - although both are still in our basement. This weekend is my baby shower and our parents will all be staying with us...in our very small house. We decided to wait on dismantling our second extra bedroom and turning it into the nursery until after this weekend.

I can't tell you how happy and relieved I am that he is home!

Thanks again for your support and words of encouragement during his deployment.

I'm back - again

2008-06-27T12:50:00.001-04:00

I feel like I am always apologizing for my lack of blogging. Things have been going very well with the pregnancy. Our baby girl is continuing to grow – and so is her momma! Every time I start writing a post it seems to end up going in the same direction – me whining about missing my husband or worrying that something is going to happen to him while he is deployed.

I know this is ridiculous, but I didn’t want to actually put those words out there out of fear that it would jinx us and something would actually happen to him. I am going to chalk that one up to pregnancy hormones, even though if I am honest with myself I would probably do the same thing if I wasn’t pregnant. Towards the end of his deployments I always get so worried. Now my worries are doubled.

In my rational moments – and I promise I do have them – I know everything will be okay, that he will be home soon safe and sound. It is just hard to imagine him back at home. So much has changed in the few months he has been gone. I worry about him being overwhelmed when he comes home. I also worry, as any woman probably would, about what he is going to think when he sees me. It’s not that I think I look bad or that my husband is shallow. It’s just that I have changed so much and I just wonder how it is all going to work. I have been sending him pictures of my belly along the way so he won’t be too shocked. But he has said even seeing the pictures it is hard to imagine what it will actually be like to see me in person.

He should be home in the next few weeks. I am nervous and also very, very excited to see him. I can’t wait for him to feel our baby kicking!

I also feel like I am always saying this – but I am keeping up with everyone’s blogs. I may be a few days beyond at time as I’ve been swamped at work, but I am still keeping up.

21 weeks

2008-05-22T16:09:00.008-04:00

I had my last appointment at the high risk doctor. We graduated back to my regular OB! Yay! Baby girl’s heart looked beautiful. I was just in awe watching the screen. She weighs 14 oz and was squirming around like a mad-woman. I still haven’t felt her move yet, but I know it will be happening sometime soon and can’t wait.

They even switched over to 3D to take some pictures for my husband. I thought that was really sweet and B definitely enjoyed them. He called this morning right after I scanned the pictures so I was able to listen to his reaction when he opened them.

Now I just need to get him back home! Less than 2 months to go!

Here is a picture from the ultrasound:

And one of me at 21 weeks. B requested an updated belly picture and promptly called to ask me if I was sticking out my gut. My reply: No jackass, that is the way my belly actually looks. :) Serious hole-digging-out immediately followed.

Our dog wanted to show off his profile too. You can't see the other dog - she is hiding behind the big dog, but is also showing her profile.

Results - Part II

2008-05-15T11:42:00.001-04:00

The amnio came back completely normal. And she is still a little girl! For some reason I kept thinking they were going to tell me that she was a boy. Not sure why because I don’t have any maternal instincts telling me that she is a he. I just thought boy because my husband is the oldest of 4 kids – 3 of which are boys – and all of his cousins are boys.

We are just happy to finally know. That wait took forever – or at least it felt like it did! I was so relieved to finally be able to tell B that I heard from the doctor. I was scared that he might not be paying complete attention to what he was doing if the test was weighing on his mind.

Thanks again for all of the support!

2008-05-02T11:15:00.006-04:00

My mom and I completed our first mini-marathon last weekend! It took us 3 hours and 3 minutes. Rain was forecasted but it held off and the overcast sky helped keep the temperature down. All in all it was a great day and I am really proud that we finished.

This is a picture of us at the finish line. My mom thinks it looks like we are toasting our bananas. :)

And here are the pictures from my ultrasound last week:

Profile shot:

It’s a Girl:

5 toes:

It should only be a week until I get the results back from the amnio.

It's a ...

2008-04-24T17:38:00.002-04:00

GIRL! B was right and I was wrong. So much for mother's intuition. :)

The Level II showed no physical abnormalities and showed a beautiful, but very squirmy, girl with 10 fingers and 10 toes (they counted!). There was a spot on her heart which required an amnio. They want to see me back in 4 weeks to make sure everything is still progressing well. From what I understand the spot is a marker for Downs, but is not something that will affect the baby (Downs or not) and will not require any type of medical attention. For this we are very relieved.

I will post pictures of our precious little girl tomorrow. Thanks again for all of the support!

Appointment Scheduled

2008-04-22T09:32:00.001-04:00

First of all I want to thank everyone for your support. It really does means a lot to me. The appointment is scheduled for Thursday at 10 and will include a Level II ultrasound, doctor consultation and amniocentesis, if I chose this option. I honestly have no idea what to do about the amniocentesis – B wants me to get it so that we can know for sure and we can be prepared (my doctor says the ultrasound will only cut our chances by 50%). He told me he will be fine with whatever I chose after hearing the risks and recommendations of the specialist. This is when deployment really sucks. We are very blessed that we are able to talk and email on a frequent basis – but he can’t be here to listen to all the information and help make decisions.

I am starting to feel overwhelmed. Not with this situation, but just in general. I know I am not even halfway through the pregnancy but I already feel behind. I haven’t even begun to look at daycares or at cribs or carseats or anything else. This is just not like me. I am a financial analyst so organization and spreadsheets are in my blood! For anything else I would already have spreadsheets made of all things baby – complete with pros and cons and con.sumer re.port information. But I have zilch. And B doesn’t get back from deployment until mid-July, when I will be freaking 28 weeks so obviously I can’t wait for him. Oy!

I realize that in the grand scheme of things this is not a big deal at all. But given the appointment on Thursday and the deployment, this is what I am choosing to focus on right now. You think I would choose to focus on something more pleasant – and I really am focusing on those things like how much I love being pregnant and watching my belly grow and how much I am looking forward to my parents visit – but this crap is just nagging the hell out of me. Okay, I think I am down with my rant now. :)

Results

2008-04-18T08:22:00.001-04:00

My triple test screening came back abnormal. The doctor called with the news yesterday. It is never good to hear a doctor’s voice on the phone - the nurse originally told me “no news is good news” and instructed me to call in a week to get my results. Based on the test our baby has a 1 and 19 chance of having Downs Syndrome. I understand that there are a lot of false positives – my doctor even stressed that fact several times on the phone. I also understand that while a 1 and 19 chance sounds high (the “abnormal” range begins at 1 and 270) the actual math tells me that the chance is only 5%, and that is IF the test is not a false positive to begin with.

All that being said, hearing the news was very scary for me. I am waiting for the specialist’s office to call to schedule the Level II ultrasound and consult. My parents are going to come up from Florida to be with me so at least I won’t be alone. B is having a hard time being so far away and not being able to physically be here with me while we wait. We are not as scared about having a Downs diagnosis, we just want to hear that everything is okay with the baby (in our eyes “okay” includes receiving a Downs diagnosis).

I told B that I decided to look at this as having another peek at our baby – maybe finding the sex out earlier than planned and seeing if the baby has 5 or 6 fingers / toes on each hand / foot (B’s family has at least one child in each generation born with an extra digit!). He agreed that we need to stay positive – now I need to focus on putting this into action!

I know that I will have a Level II ultrasound at the appointment and that they will discuss the results and most likely recommend an amniosintesis. Can anyone give me advice on what to expect at the appointment?

Ramblings and a picture

2008-04-14T11:15:00.002-04:00

B asked me to take some belly pictures so he can watch as I grow. I can tell he is having a harder time with this deployment. I miss him so much. I am trying to stay busy with work, friends, and as soon as the weather actually warms up – enjoying the sunshine. It was 34 degrees this morning! Very cold for here this time of year.

Yesterday I started having what I guess are round ligament pains – pains going down the sides of my belly. I also had some sharp pains in my cervix. I don’t know what caused the cervix pain but it has not returned so I am not going to get worried.

My parents are coming up from Florida next weekend. My mom and I are walking in the city half-marathon. I initially started training to run it, but found out I was pregnant about 2 weeks into the training. My work has a great training program set up with weekly group runs/walks on Saturday mornings and individual training during the week. The schedule has definitely helped me stay on track – with the exception of the 5-6 weeks I did nothing athletic besides running to the toilet to puke. I can’t say I am excited about the actual race, but I am really looking forward to completing it with my mom.

This is my 16 week belly picture. B says he can tell my belly has gotten more round since he saw me 2 weeks ago. He also asked if I have had to buy maternity pants yet or if my “muffin top guard” (belly band) was still allowing me to wear my old pants. I thought that was hilarious! :)

16 week appointment

2008-04-11T15:44:00.003-04:00

My appointment went well today. The doctor was able to find the heartbeat right away! Yay! What a beautiful sound. I can’t wait to tell B all about – which will probably be a repeat of the email I sent him as soon as I got back from the appointment. I’ve gained 6 pounds so far. All of my bloodwork from last appointment came back problem free. They did take more blood today for the triple test/screening. I think I get to keep all my blood at the next appointment which will be a nice change of pace.

I asked her about the prenatal vitamins. I haven’t been taking them since about 6-8 weeks when I was so sick – instead I switched to flin.stone vitamins. She said I could try to switch back to the prenatals, but to go back to the flin.stone vitamins if they cause any nausea.

I am exhausted now. I tried not to be nervous about the appointment but I couldn’t help it so I didn’t get a good night sleep. I see an early bedtime in my future. Have a great weekend!

I'm still here

2008-04-09T16:34:00.000-04:00

B is now deployed. Being alone is so much harder than I expected. I got to talk with him for the first time on Monday night. He sounded good, but could only talk for a few minutes. He has also been able to email me. The emails really help him feel like he is still in the loop back here. Plus they make me feel less isolated from him – so if I forget to ask him / tell him something on the phone I don’t have to wait a week until we talk.

He asked me to take pictures of my belly along the way. I took one last week and was pretty surprised that an actual bump was visible – not really in my work clothes yet, but in just a tank top you can tell something is there (even if it does resemble a beer gut).

I did not want to post until I heard from him. In all honesty I didn’t want to do much of anything, but one of the girls I work with is on her honeymoon so I have been slammed back-filling her as well as doing my job. I was irritated at first but it really was helpful to be busy during the majority of the day.

I think the morning sickness is gone – knock on wood – and I am getting my energy back. I have an appointment on Friday. I can’t believe it has been 4 weeks since I last saw our little one. And I won’t even get a peak this time, unless we have another heartbeat-hearing issue due to the ‘ol tilted uterus. As long as I hear that strong heartbeat I think I will be good (but who am I kidding, I would love an ultrasound!).

Sorry I have been silent for awhile, although I promise I have been keeping up with all of your blogs. Also I have been tagged by k@ourboxofrain and a loooong time ago by Alison (so sorry!). I promise to get to those next week when my co-worker returns from her honeymoon and my workload returns to normal!

Snow

2008-03-23T20:19:00.003-04:00

I can't believe it actually snowed here on Easter. The snow didn't stick but it was pretty strange to see. I wish it would warm up - I have Spring Fever big time!

I am officially 13 weeks now! It feels so good to be done with the first trimester. Now if only I could stop puking. Does anyone else seem to get sick after taking prenatal vitamins? I have tried taking them at different times of the day, with food, etc. and nothing seems to work. I've starting taking flin.stone vitamins to at least get some folic acid. I will be calling my doctor tomorrow morning to see about getting a different prescription - maybe that will help.

I made my appointment for the gender ultrasound. It is scheduled for May 12. My mom is going to fly up for it since B will still be deployed. I don't know how I am going to hold out until then without having an ultrasound. I am so used to seeing our little one now. I hope that between now and then my doctor will be able to find the heartbeat using the doppler - tilted uterus and all!

Wimp!

2008-03-18T14:47:00.000-04:00

I felt like such a wimp today! For the past two years I have taken a fitness class at work twice a week during lunch. It is a strengthening / toning class so we don’t get too sweaty (although we do have showers, just in case). Since the 4 – 6 week mark my work schedule was just too hectic to make it to class, and then from 7 weeks until now I was either puking, on the verge of puking, or in a meeting during class time … until today. Holy crap did that class kick my butt!

The best part was telling my instructor that I am pregnant. I am 12 weeks now, so I felt comfortable with her telling the class – only 8-10 people and since she has to give me specific instructions at times it made sense. Then I realized telling people is like crack to me!

Only a few people around work knew, but after today I can add a few more to the list. I just love their reactions (thankfully they have all been wonderful). Plus I love the feeling it gives me. Each time I say it, my eyes fill up with tears and I get so darn happy. :)

Tilted Uterus

2008-03-16T21:06:00.002-04:00

Apparently I have a tilted uterus. For the most part this doesn't mean anything - unless you are trying to hear the heartbeat on a doppler. I had my first regular OB appointment on Thursday. Everything was going great until she tried finding the heartbeat. My doctor was great - she kept repeating that this early it is sometimes hard to hear on a doppler and she thought she had the "finicky" doppler, etc. After what seemed like forever she decided that while everything was most likely okay, I should probably have an ultrasound for my peace of mind. Bless her!

We had our fourth ultrasound and as always it was amazing. I still can't believe the detail so early - and all of the movement. It was also great because this was the last doctor's appointment B will be able to make before he comes back in July. I am so glad he was able to meet the OB and get a good feeling about their practice.

B is now gone. I dropped him off this morning. He will be in NC for 2 weeks before deploying. Since I will get to see him right before he leaves (hopefully!) I am not freaking out yet - although I am sure that is coming. For now I am just trying to stay busy, which today meant cleaning the closets. :)

More pictures!

2008-03-03T10:39:00.004-05:00

After re-reading my post from Monday it is not surprising that I ended up having a meltdown on Monday night. It was not pretty – this meltdown of mine. It was full of snotty sobbing and me gasping for air in between my sobs. Poor B – he took it like a man. He had absolutely no idea what to do – but he did just what I needed him to do and just held me. I felt much better afterwards, not sure I can say the same about B though!

The thing that pushed me over the edge is B will be leaving for deployment earlier than expected. We were hoping that he would be here through the first week of April. I was excited that he would be here for at least part of the much-hyped second trimester good feelings. I will be 13 weeks on 3/22. He leaves on 3/16. Luckily he will still be in the States until the beginning of April (we hope!) just in North Carolina rather than Kentucky. The plan now is for me to visit him the last weekend in March. I am keeping my fingers crossed that he stays state-side long enough for me to visit.

He should be back early-mid July, which means that he will leave when it looks like I have a beer gut and will get back when I am huge! I am going to have to send him a lot of pictures along the way so he doesn’t have a heart attack when he sees me for the first time.

And now for the pictures (10 weeks):

Yay for another great ultrasound! Although I can’t wait until I can stop having them via the dildo-cam.

So Angry!

2008-03-03T10:35:00.002-05:00

I am not sure if I have complained about the crappy military insurance on this blog. If not, in a nutshell – it sucks! Even though I am 10 weeks pregnant I had to go to my primary military provider in order to get my pregnancy “confirmed” so that I can graduate from the RE and go back to my regular OB (who is not a military doctor, we live far enough from the base to qualify for a civilian doctor). My RE gave me all the required paperwork to make this transition as seamless as possible.

After a simple pee test confirmed that I was indeed pregnant (thank goodness!) all I had to do was wait to see the “Doctor.” I won’t even go into what a piece of shit doctor she is on a regular basis. Luckily all I have to see her for is referrals.

When the “doctor” comes in she is relived that she doesn’t have to do any real work because all I need is a referral. All she needs to do is write down the date of my last period (12/22) and my expected due date (9/27). Then she asks if I would like to go back to the OB I used last time, since this is my second child. I tried to explain to her that I do not have any children when she rudely cut me off and said that I had been pregnant before.

Gasp! Yes, you read that right. This dumbass did not put two and two together even though it is in the fucking chart! Apparently she thought it was normal for her to refer me to an RE (in June) when I was 8 months pregnant with my first child (due date would have been July). I calmly explained that I miscarried - you’ve never seen someone back out of a room so fast. No “I’m sorry” or anything.

Next I had to go to the referral nurse to get the necessary paperwork that allows me to go back to the OB. This is when I realize that the “Doctor” got the only two things she had to do wrong – she had my last period as February 20 and my due date as 9/23. How in the hell is my due date at 7 months?!

The referral nurse said the dates weren’t the only thing the “Doctor” got wrong. She also had me down as having one pregnancy but no living children. I could not believe I had to have the same fucking conversation again – not two minutes later. I again calmly explained that I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. You think she would say something nice or at least have the decency to keep her mouth shut. Instead she says, oh so then you really don’t have any living children. WTF?!?!

I grabbed my paperwork and got the hell out of there. I mean seriously, I can’t possibly be the first woman to have a miscarriage at this clinic. I now have a name/number to call and complain. I just can’t believe the lack of sensitivity of these people!

I understand that there are many qualified and caring people who work in the military clinics. I just had the unfortunate experience of dealing with a few of the duds.

Good news is I have another ultrasound this afternoon! I can’t wait to see how much he/she has grown!!

Our first pictures!

2008-02-20T18:14:00.002-05:00

Yay!

2008-02-19T16:59:00.003-05:00

The ultrasound went great! It was amazing to see - especially the heartbeat. We were blown away. Everything is measuring great at 8w1d and the heartbeat was very strong at 171 bpm. I will post a picture tomorrow.

Thank you so much for your positive comments and support. I was so worried going into the ultrasound and I can't express how much your thoughts and words helped.

I am pretty sure I am going to float around on cloud 9 the rest of the day - with only minor stop-offs to puke! :)

Tomorrow

2008-02-18T09:53:00.001-05:00

The ultrasound is tomorrow afternoon and I am scared to death. I will be 8 weeks. I am so nervous there won’t be anything to see. Even though I still feel nauseous and my boobs still hurt – both of which I am taking as very positive signs – I can’t help but feel this horrible anxiety.

I had a nightmare over the weekend that I started bleeding. That definitely hasn’t helped the ‘ol anxiety levels. I know there is nothing I can do to change the outcome – I just wish I didn’t have to wait!

I am encouraged by so many recent positive ultrasounds in IF blogland. I hope and pray that we have one too!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

2008-02-14T14:43:00.001-05:00

My husband is coming home tonight and I can’t wait to see him! His flight should be in around 5 or 6, so still a little unsure what we are doing for dinner. We will celebrate this weekend – although nothing big, just a nice relaxing dinner out.

On another positive note: it has been more than 24 hours since I last puked! Yay! I still feel very queasy which is okay. I really want to avoid workplace vomiting for as long as I can.

2008-02-13T15:27:00.001-05:00

Snow day

2008-02-12T10:29:00.000-05:00

I am a wuss – I called the RE nurse this morning to ask if there was anything they could prescribe for the morning sickness. Last night I had another out-of-nowhere puking episode – luckily I was much closer to the bathroom so I made it in time! I feel like such a loser asking for meds after only a week. :)

The nurse just called back and told me to take vitamin b-6 twice a day. She said if that doesn’t help they can call in a prescription, but they make you drowsy and she wants to avoid that.

Even though the constant queasiness and surprise vomiting aren’t making me feel awesome – it does really excite me to think that things are progressing. This is a hard thing to make someone (like my poor husband) understand. He is out of town this week and feels terrible he isn’t here to help me.

Thanks for the suggestions too. I remember reading Katie’s apples story and thinking (1) gross! sorry, Katie! :) (because I couldn't imagine ever having morning sickness), and (2) that was some quick thinking on Katie’s part. From now on I am going to start carrying a few extra bags in my purse and briefcase – just in case. We are snowed in today, so at least I don’t have to worry about any workplace puking for the day!

One more week until the ultrasound! Yay!

Morning sickness strikes

2008-02-10T10:38:00.000-05:00

Either that or my subconscious must really hate doing the laundry. I had just eaten breakfast and was starting the laundry. All of the sudden my stomach felt sick and before I could even make it to the stairs (washer/dryer in basement – no bathroom), I threw-up in my hand! It was horrible! I kept running to the bathroom and threw-up a few more times. I have never gotten so sick so fast.

I just hope it doesn’t happen like that at work – my cube couldn’t be further from the bathroom!

Blah

2008-02-07T14:43:00.000-05:00

I have a terrible cold which I am blaming on a number of people including my husband, boss, and co-workers. Not that I am innocent since I came back to work today not completely healthy. I don’t have a fever any more, but I do sound like an 80 year-old chain smoker and feel like hell. I would have stayed home but my boss called me yesterday to “check up” on me – which really meant he had a lot of work for me to do in advance of his trip to Europe next week. I will be doing the dance of joy all next week while he is gone!

The RE nurse told me I could take sud.a.fed, rob.out.ssin dm, and ty.len.ol. I was a little hesitant to take anything, but I finally took some sud.a.fed (pseudophedrine free) so I could breathe enough to fall asleep.

Not too much news to report. My boobs are still sore and I may have had my first brush with morning sickness on Tuesday. I say may have because the nauseousness could have been related to the cold – but I going to pretend it was morning sickness anyway. Only an infertile would be glad she almost threw-up at work! I also have a light yellow/greenish color CM. Not sure if this is related but I’ve had it for about a week or two.

My ultrasound is 12 days and we can’t wait!

Reason for the delay

2008-01-31T14:34:00.001-05:00

This is what I woke up to yesterday morning:

Still no power and the house is cold as crap! B is out of town on business, so I am staying with friends and the pups are at the vet.

On to my beta:
My beta (on 23 DPO) was 2,658 – it was 437 at 17 DPO. The nurse told me that while my beta didn’t “double, double,” it was about 65% which is their threshold. Obviously I started freaking out. She said that it was okay the beta didn’t “double, double” but that she just wanted to let me know, “you know”. WTF does that mean? Why tell someone who is clearly scared to begin with something like that?

I checked on Beta Base and it looks like my beta is still okay. To add to my freak out, she didn’t want to schedule the ultrasound until 2/28 – freaking 4 weeks away! I tried to get her to move it up but she said that was the earliest they like to perform ultrasounds (which I know is bullshit). I will be 9 weeks by 2/28!

I called back today and talked the receptionist into moving the ultrasound up to 2/19, which still seems late to me. I am okay with it because B will be gone the week before (2/11 – 2/15) and next week might be too early to see the heartbeat.

So only 18 days to go! Oy!

Monday

2008-01-28T10:56:00.000-05:00

Two more days until my next beta. I am not the most patient of waiters, but so far I am doing pretty well. From what I understand, this will be my last beta and then maybe an ultrasound next week. The nurse was very vague – she told me that she would call me with my results on Wednesday and give me my next set of instructions then. It sounded so mysterious, like I am some kind of secret agent! :)

My boobs are pretty sore and tingly if that makes sense. Other than that, I feel great. I have been really clumsy lately – and I am not very graceful to begin with so at times it has gotten pretty ridiculous. I am chalking it up to not paying attention to what I am doing because I can’t stop thinking about what might be going on inside my body. Hopefully I will not cause myself or anyone else harm serious harm!

Thanks so much for all the well wishes and support!

A good day

2008-01-24T13:47:00.000-05:00

Yay! My beta doubled – actually slightly more than doubled – to 437. According to BetaBase my doubling time was 43.79 hours. I am so excited! I go in for another beta test on Wednesday, 1/30. How am I going to wait that long?!

It was so hard to focus on work today while waiting to hear the results. Now that I have the results, I am too excited to work. I am still cautious, but it is hard for me not to be really optimistic - I’ve never gotten this far before!

B is very excited too. I told him on the phone Tuesday night - and while I was disappointed I didn’t get to see his face, it really was wonderful to hear the excitement in his voice. He has been going back and forth between cautioning me about getting my hopes up too much and talking excitedly about the future. I love seeing him this happy!

Now I am going to try to motivate myself to get something done today.

Test today

2008-01-22T10:07:00.000-05:00

Updated:
I just got the call ……. my beta is 211! What a beautiful number! The only beta I ever received in the 21 months we’ve been trying was 14.

I immediately started crying on the phone. The nurse asked me when the insemination was and if it was donor or husband sperm and I couldn’t talk – at all. She seemed a little confused by my crying and then she realized that I was happy, so tears of joy instead of sadness!

B is out of town tonight. I really wish he was here so I could tell him in person, but there is no way that I can keep it from him until he comes home. I wish I could see his face when I tell him.

I go back Thursday morning to make sure my numbers are doubling. I am so excited and nervous and scared and so many other emotions I can’t even describe. So much for getting any work done this week! Thanks for all of your support with the IUI – it really has meant so much to me to have people to turn to with my questions.

And Congratulations to infertility just sucks. She received a wonderful beta yesterday. Yay!

I have a beta test at 11:30 today. That is the latest appointment to get the results back today. I am very nervous about the test, but otherwise I don’t feel anything – imminent period pains or otherwise. My temps are still up – but today is 14 dpiui, which could still be early for my temperature to drop.

I really hope this is it, but at the same time trying not to get my hopes up. Such is life for an infertile I suppose. I will update (with good news hopefully!) as soon as I hear back.

A few questions

2008-01-14T13:09:00.000-05:00

We had a wonderful, relaxing weekend which should mean that I am well-rested to start the work week. Unfortunately one of our dogs had an upset stomach during the night. The horrible smell woke me up around 2:30am. It didn’t seem to phase either dog, both of whom thought it was play-time when I got out of bed to clean up the mess (Note: husband was sleeping soundly until the grout scrubbing of poo got too loud for him. Yes, said husband is still alive, but just barely).

B is off work today so at least the pups will get some extra TLC. The only thing I can think of that upset him is we changed their food – but still the same brand, we just switched from weight control (one used to be a fatty) to active dog. We even mixed the new and old food to help with the transition, but I guess we didn’t do it well enough. Our junk-yard dog, Humane Society pup is fine and the purebred that we actually paid money for is sick. Go figure.

Today is 7dpo, 6dpiui. I think I am going to go in for a blood test this time instead of testing at home. Testing just drains me and makes me insane. B is voting for the blood test because he wants proof that everything looks okay before we celebrate and he doesn’t trust hpt’s.

How early can a blood test pick up a positive? Like I said before, my luteal phase is typically 17-20 days – I am not sure if that has anything to do with how early you can get a positive blood test. The only time I actually did get pregnant, I tested negative with a blood test at 9dpo (I was getting routine blood work before starting Clomid the next month) and I finally got a positive HPT on 18dpo. Of course that one ended in a miscarriage a few days later so it is probably not the best to compare. My thought now is to get a blood test a week from tomorrow, which will be 15 dpo, 14 dpiui.

After reading through this post I can see that the insanity has already set in. This is early for me but I imagine it’s because B will be deploying again in April. Plus he told me this weekend that he has so many TDY’s (military business/training trips) in February and March that he wants me to call the fertility clinic and ask about freezing possibilities. Has anyone done this?

Tagged

2008-01-10T10:38:00.000-05:00

I am embarrassed to admit how long ago I was tagged by In Search of Morning Sickness. Better late than never:

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Lifeguard at Big Kahunas water-park
2. Hostess at a restaurant with the unfortunate name of Lucky Snapper (yes, I get the dirty joke in this one too!)
3. Credit Analyst
4. Financial Analyst

Four Movies I have watched more than once:
1. Grease
2. Sound of Music
3. Office Space
4. While You Were Sleeping (and any other cheesy romance or comedy on TBS during rainy weekends)

Four TV shows that I watch faithfully:
1. Scrubs
2. The Office
3. My Name is Earl
4. Dirty Jobs or anything on Discovery/TLC

Four Places I have vacationed:
1. Norway
2. Jamaica
3. St. Martin
4. Smoky Mountains

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Pizza
2. Spaghetti
3. Breakfast foods (any and all!)
4. Anything with cream cheese

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Beach
2. A cozy mountain cabin with my husband
3. Beach
4. My parent’s house (which is at the beach)

Four hobbies I have:
1. Running
2. Reading
3. Skiing
4. Spending time with husband and friends (not sure if this is considered a hobby, but it is something I love to do nonetheless)

I think everyone has already done this - but if you haven’t, consider yourself tagged.

IUI

2008-01-09T10:15:00.001-05:00

The IUI is complete! I have to admit the procedure itself was a little anticlimactic. After all of the preparation (peeing on what seemed like hundreds of OPK’s), research, and talking about it with B – the procedure itself seemed pretty dull.

The nurse practioner actually performed the IUI. She was very nice and explained everything to us before she began. B collected 114 million sperm and all of his other percentages where wonderful (I can’t remember the numbers, but she seemed impressed)! B later told me that what she was trying to say was that he should probably be selling the stuff! :)

She began the IUI by telling me that my mucus looked excellent – not really what a husband wants to hear when a lady is examining his wife’s girly parts. B handled it like a trooper though. In less than 5 minutes it was over and she told me that I now had millions and millions of sperm floating around my uterus in a mad dash to find the egg. I hope she was right!

Edited to Add: I forgot to mention the email I got from a good friend about 30 minutes before I left work to meet B at the clinic. She asked if the doctor’s would at least allow me to have drinks with the turkey baster first - to set the mood before the violation. That cracked me up (to the point I almost shot the water I was drinking out my nose!) and totally eased the tension/anxiety I was feeling. B and I truly are blessed to have wonderful friends – while we haven’t told most about the IF, the ones that do know have been so supportive.

Positive OPK!

2008-01-07T11:31:00.000-05:00

Praise the Lord, I finally got a positive OPK! I was getting nervous that I missed it – which would be close to impossible since I was taking 2-3 tests a day for the past few days.

We are set for the IUI at 1:00 tomorrow. I am trying not to get my hopes up, but I am pretty excited about trying an IUI versus just the meds. I hope my office will do a blood draw beta check rather than making me wait to get a positive which will be about a week later. Waiting is not my expertise!

Thanks to all the ladies who gave me advice about B’s donation to the IUI cause. My RE nurse confirmed what ya’ll said – 48 hours is ideal.

Mini-Marathon

2008-01-06T19:27:00.000-05:00

I decided to sign up for our city mini-marathon in late April. My work has a detailed training program, which is the only way I think I can actually stick to running for 4 months. Every Saturday starting in 2 weeks we will meet at 7:30 in the morning for our long runs (I know, clearly I have lost my mind!). We also run on our own 3 days a week.

I wanted to run it last year but kept thinking I would get pregnant so I never started the training. I explained to the lady in charge about the fertility treatments. She was very encouraging and even said she hopes that by actually signing up for the race this year I end up getting pregnant right away.

I started training this week and I am already sore. I ran 3 miles yesterday and at the end I thought in a few months I will have to run an additional 10 miles! Yikes!

On the IF front - still no sign of ovulating. I think I scared it away. Today is CD 15 so hopefully I will get a positive OPK tomorrow.

Hope everyone had a good weekend!

Back to work

2008-01-03T10:10:00.000-05:00

... and not necessarily happy to be here! Way too many emails were waiting for me when I returned. We had a pretty hectic holiday, spending 5 days in north Florida with my family and 4 days skiing in Wisconsin. This meant more hours than I can count in the car listening to 7 different NFL channels thanks to Sirius radio. Oy!

We decided to try IUI (aka the turkey baster) this cycle. B refuses to call it anything other than the turkey baster – as in “when do we go in for the turkey baster?” and “how long will the turkey basting take?” He thinks it’s hilarious, but I am pretty sure he is going to have a heart attack when they actually perform said turkey basting. That’s when I will giggle. :)

This is my fourth month on Femara. The last three months I ovulated around day 14-15. B was asking me last night how many days of no sex before the turkey basting. I have a call into my RE to get all of the details. I know many of you ladies have done IUI’s before – can you shed some light? With the semen analysis he was supposed to have 2 days stored up in the boys. But if I won’t know when I am going to ovulate until the day before, how do we make sure the amount of days that are stored up? I read somewhere that if there are too many days stored up, it can have bad results – low motility and morphology.

Oy! I never imagined that these would be questions I had to ask complete strangers (nurse, RE, etc) with a straight face. I definitely checked my dignity at the door of the RE office on my first visit!

Today is CD 12 which means I may be ovulating over the weekend. From what I understand, at my RE clinic you have to arrive at 7:45am bright eyed, bushy tailed, and ready to be inseminated. It is somewhat first come, first serve and there are no set hours – once the last couple is complete they close up shop. B was not happy to hear that he may have to be up early on a weekend morning – even more irked when he realized what he would have to do prior to us leaving for the clinic!

Oh, and before I forget, congrats to Katie and Geohde on their wonderful news!

2007-12-19T14:40:00.000-05:00

Today is 15 DPO and I am a raging bitch! I can’t seem to help myself. Last night my husband made dinner and then surprised me with ice cream from our favorite place. A few hours later while I was packing for our trip the phone rang. I yelled downstairs for him to answer the phone. One ring, two rings. He still hasn’t answered. So I yell louder (no phone upstairs and I was packing while he was watching TV). He then answers that it is probably too late and to let the machine get it. That set me off into crazy land. I couldn’t stop yelling. I was waiting for the kennel to call to tell me what time we could drop off the dogs and I was sure it was them. Even though I knew I was wrong, I couldn’t stop myself. So unless pregnancy symptoms are identical to bitchy pms symptoms, I don’t think I am - but I haven't given up hope. I just pray I can be nicer to my husband on our 9 hour trip to Florida! :)

2007-12-17T11:30:00.001-05:00

Today is CD 13. My temperature went down again today. I don’t feel like I am about to start and it is still a few days early, so who knows.

We found out some wonderful news this weekend. Our friends just found out that their fifth round of IVF worked! She finally got her positive! I am so very happy for them. Before my first appointment with the RE we met for dinner and she talked with me for hours about what to expect and what they had experienced. I was amazed at her positive attitude. They weren’t sure if they were going to try anymore – emotionally and financially exhausted. The only drawback to quitting IVF is her husband was against adoption. Yay for them!

That is about all my news. I spent pretty much the entire weekend working. I will be so glad when this crap is over and I am in Florida with my family for the holidays!

10 DPO

2007-12-14T09:14:00.001-05:00

I am a bad, bad blogger. I am giving myself an F for the month of December. I have been working late almost every night (year-end sucks in most finance departments). When I get home, the last thing I feel like doing is getting back on a computer. But I promise to do better.

Today is 10 DPO. I don’t think our chances are very good this month. I was out of town on business for several days – coming home on ovulation day. I know we are supposed to do it the next night too, but B made me so mad that night I didn’t even want to look at him. He was just joking around but he didn’t pick up on the fact that he was hurting my feelings until way too late. It really wasn’t a big deal, just very bad timing.

I talked to my RE at the beginning of this cycle and we decided that if this one didn’t work we will try an IUI in January. I am glad he understands our situation – with B deploying in April – and allows me to be as aggressive with our approach as I want.

So now we just wait and see. There is so much to keep me busy with work and the holidays that I am not paying too much attention to my 2ww. Hopefully this continues!

2007-11-24T09:47:00.000-05:00

I should start off by saying that I started my period on Tuesday. Sucked big time! I was able to get to the RE's office on Monday for bloodwork, which of course came back negative. I feel like such a dumbass taking the wrong freaking test! Oh well, I am blaming our tiny dark bathroom for the mix-up and not myself. :) I wish I didn't wake B up to show him though. Now he will never believe another pregnancy test - even though I tried explaining the mix-up to him.

I did get to talk with my RE on Tuesday. He wants me to do at least another round of just the Femara and then try an IUI when I am ready. Now that B will be deploying in April, I am definitely ready to try the IUI sooner rather than later.

I started taking the Femera last night - damn the hot flashes are bad this time. We actually had our window open (in Boston!) last night and it was still too hot for me. I am even sweating now! Hopefully it won't be too bad for our 14 hour car ride home. Yikes!

I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving! I can't wait to catch up on all my blogs.

Frick!

2007-11-19T09:04:00.000-05:00

I don’t know what to think. Today is CD 17. This morning I tested, but I accidentally used an OPK instead of an HPT – except I didn’t realize it at the time. So when a light second line appeared, I was so excited. I even woke B up and had him look at it to make sure he saw the line too. While I was getting ready for work (hands shaking from excitement, of course) I noticed that the brand of test was Clear Blue, which is not the brand of HPT tests I had in the house. That is when I realized my error. I started thinking about all the threads on baby center about OPK’s being used as HPT’s, so I thought maybe I was okay. I stopped by the store this morning and bought three different brands of HPT’s – all BFN.

My temperature dropped a little yesterday (from 98.26 to 98.10) so I assumed AF was coming today. My temp this morning was 98.17, which is the only reason I tested - my chart. If AF comes tomorrow I am going to be so disappointed. We are driving to Boston tomorrow to spend Thanksgiving with B’s family. It is going to be hard for me not to think about last year when we were driving to Florida to visit my family while I was miscarrying.

I am thinking about calling the RE’s office and saying I saw a light second line so I can come in for a blood test. Since we will be out of town all week going today will at least give me a concrete answer, right?

Ladybug

2007-11-16T11:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday afternoon I looked down at my desk and saw a ladybug crawling in front of my keyboard. Now I work on the third floor in an internal cube – i.e. I have to walk outside of my cube and down the hall to even see a window, which you can’t open anyways. I have no idea how this poor gal got to my cube, but I decided to take it as a sign of good luck.

And seeing as how I was looking at her arrival as good luck, it occurred to me that she would most likely die if I didn’t escort her out of my building. Can’t bring me good luck if she’s dead, right? So I securely placed her in a tissue, walked her down the steps and out the door. Hopefully she flew away with positive thoughts about her rescuer (me) and bestows good luck on me (a BFP!).

Yes, I have crossed over into crazy land – but it sure is nice here! Testing tomorrow…

2007-11-15T08:34:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to Amy! Her son, Carter, was born at 3:46 this morning. Yay for Amy, Chris, and Carter!!

BFN

2007-11-14T20:53:00.000-05:00

Yes, I took the test ridiculously early and so it was no surprise that it was a BFN. Today is CD 12. Since I don’t get AF until at the earliest CD 17 and at the latest CD 21, I am not too upset. Dollar Trees around here don’t carry pregnancy tests and I didn’t order any cheap internet tests on purpose - so I didn’t obsess. Isn’t that hilarious? Oh well, at least I can admit that I am a POAS addict.

I am vowing not to take another test until at the earliest Saturday, which will be CD 15. I would like to wait longer, but we’ll see. With 3 pregnancy tests just waiting for me in the cabinet, it will be hard to wait much longer.

2007-11-13T16:37:00.000-05:00

As it turns out, I am a big fat liar! I said it was way too early to test so I wasn’t even going to think about testing for a while. Well this morning when I was inputting today’s temp into FF, I noticed that tomorrow is 5 days before AF is forecasted due. And how many days before AF is First Response early pregnancy test supposed to detect pregnancy – 5 days! Coincidence? I think not! I know that some people don’t produce enough hormone that early and that it is most likely setting myself up for disappointment – but damn if I didn’t pull up a spreadsheet to figure out how much money I should spend and how many tests to buy. I was in a meeting so it at least made me look busy! I saw First Response was on sale at Walgreens, which I took as another reason that I should go ahead and buy/test early. Yes, I have a problem.

On a completely different subject, I volunteered with Habitat for Humanity last week. What a wonderful and rewarding experience. Plus they let me be in charge of cutting things with the circular saw! I don’t think my husband believed me, but my friend just sent proof:

Can you tell I was enjoying the power?!

I'm back!

2007-11-12T13:37:00.000-05:00

I have been so slammed at work this past week that I have neglected my blog and have had no time to read other blogs. Even though I’ve only been in the blog world for a few months, I felt so disconnected being out of the loop for a week!

B dropped a big bomb on me last week – he may be deploying again in April. With his job, the majority of the deployments are voluntary. If I get pregnant this cycle, he would be gone from 6 to 8 ½ months! He thought this was perfect timing because he would be home in time for the birth. Keep in mind this is a voluntary deployment. I would completely understand if it was a typical deployment (i.e. he gets called up, he deploys, no questions asked) although I would still be very disappointed.

I finally convinced him that it would be very hard on me for him to be gone that late in pregnancy – especially with our closest family 7 hours away. He then asked if it would be okay for him to deploy if I didn’t get pregnant this cycle. Even though I wanted to tell him no, I know that I can’t continue to play the “what if” game in regards to pregnancy. I’ve been playing it too long and it just gets old after a while. So if I don’t get pregnant this cycle, he will most likely deploy in April.

I think the reason that I’m not too upset about this is because I really feel like this cycle will work. I am 10 DPO today. Unfortunately my luteal phase ranges from 17-21 days, so I still have a while before I can test. I should find out if I am pregnant on almost exactly the same day as when I got the positive pregnancy test last November! Does time of year have anything to do with fertility?

So far my chart looks pretty good but I know only time will tell. I should be pretty busy at work this week so hopefully I can keep my mind off of testing for a while longer!

Waiting game

2007-11-05T10:03:00.000-05:00

It should be no surprise that B was ecstatic over his s/a results. He couldn’t believe his total was 90 million because he said there wasn’t much too test. I feel really good about our chances this cycle. I ovulated on Friday and we were able to squeeze in some loving on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, even with mother-in-law downstairs.

I say I ovulated Friday because of my temps, but I never got a good positive OPK. There was no line on Thursday, a light line on Friday when I tested at 7:30 pm, a darker, but still light, line on Saturday when I tested at 6:00 pm, and no line on Sunday. Hopefully we timed everything okay. I would have liked to start the love-fest on Thursday, but B was way too exhausted from his stressful day of “wanking” (his words, obviously).

All in all the weekend with his mom and her boyfriend went well. B is from Boston and his entire family, except us, still lives there. With the Red Sox winning the World Series and the Pats winning last night – all was good. B’s fantasy football team even won yesterday!

Now we are at the dreaded 2ww. Bleh. I hate this part of the cycle.

Weekend

2007-11-02T11:48:00.001-04:00

Update: No lotion contamination!! Yay! The RE nurse just called to tell me that his totals were 90 million, and that anything above 20 million was good. I have a feeling there will be a significant amount of high-fiving and who’s the man type comments going on at my home this evening. Hopefully this news will result in some good feelings for the upcoming “doing it Olympics” as he likes to call the on-demand sex around ovulation.

Yesterday was B’s semen analysis. Boy was that a big fat pain in my ass. The whole process was stressing him out – how gross it was to be in a room were only s/a’s were performed, how unnatural it was to do it without lube, etc. He ended up doing it at home and unfortunately ended up using some lube (hand lotion). Not to be too graphic, but he says he kept the lotion away from the container and away from the end of his member. Does anyone else have a husband with this problem? I really hope the lotion doesn’t end up screwing the results. He swears he tried for thirty minutes – making himself raw and damn near starting a fire. Earlier in the week I offered to come home to “help” but he didn’t think he would need any.

We were supposed to find out the results yesterday, but they never called. I called today and the only nurse that can give results is at the IVF clinic until this afternoon. I have serious doubts that we will find out before this weekend.

Speaking of this weekend, the in-laws are coming to visit and I am supposed to ovulate. Seriously, what kind of crap timing is that? B’s mom and her boyfriend should be in town sometime today. We don’t know when because they have stopped off at a casino or two on their way down from New England. I got a very light second line on my OPK yesterday, so I am guessing today (CD 14) or tomorrow will be the day.

Nothing says DO ME NOW more than having your freaking mom 20 feet away – poor guy. If the s/a stressed him out, this will probably push him over the edge!

Testing him

2007-10-29T14:06:00.000-04:00

I was going to try to wait to talk with B about the semen analysis until next cycle. “Try” being the key word. Instead I opted to hand him the sheet the doctor gave me describing the analysis in detail during the commercial break of a football game. I admit, poor planning on my part. Bless his heart, my poor husband’s face was hysterical as he read through everything. He looked up at me with horror in his eyes and said “so they want me to jerk off at the doctors office?!” Crude, but hysterical.

I am not sure what exactly he thought his testing would consist of, but apparently the true meaning never crossed his mind. Since I should ovulate this weekend, he either needs to get tested early this week or sometime next week. I tried to explain this to him, but he still couldn’t get over what they were actually asking him to do!

FYI – for those of you that asked about combining the semen analysis and IUI: it turns out that my RE wants me to have at least one medicated cycle with B here before trying an IUI. Even though we have had 6 medicated cycles, this will be the first with the RE. Thanks for the suggestion though! It was something I hadn’t even considered.

I pray that his test results come back okay. I don’t know how he will react if he finds out that something is wrong with him.

Open Enrollment

2007-10-26T15:45:00.001-04:00

It’s that time of year again – open benefits enrollment at work. I am not worried about the actual benefits part as I use my husband’s military insurance for everything except dental. Instead I am trying to figure out how much money to put into my flexible spending account – i.e. how much do I think our IF treatments will cost this year. Crap! I am frustrated that I even have to budget for this.

I really think this might be our cycle. The Femara worked great last cycle making me ovulate earlier than ever before. B is finally back and excited to get moving on the baby making. Plus this is when we got pregnant last year. I found out right before Thanksgiving that I was pregnant. It shocks me to realize that it has almost been a whole year since our loss. I was so sure I would get pregnant before my EDD of the first pregnancy. When that date passed in late July, I was positive I would get pregnant by the time the one year anniversary of our loss passed. You think I wouldn’t be so sure that this is our cycle with all of that weighing on my shoulders, but somehow I still am.

Which leads me to my current predicament – how should I budget for next year. I know I can use the money in a flexible spending account on a lot of different things so it’s not like it would be wasted if I put too much in for IF treatments. The uncertainty just bugs the crap out of me which really isn’t too surprising since I am a financial analyst. I have until November 9th to decide – unfortunately I won’t know if this cycle works by then. Oh well, this builds character – right?

Gassy anyone?

2007-10-25T17:18:00.000-04:00

Today is CD 6, day 4 of Femara. So far I think B agrees that the side effects of Femara are much less severe than Clomid. I am not sure if it is the Femara, but dang am I gassy. Thank goodness we have dogs that I can blame it on! Especially since one of them has horrendous gas normally.

I haven’t decided when or how I am going to approach the whole semen analysis issue. He has never voiced resistance but I know he isn’t exactly overjoyed with the idea. I think I might wait to see how this cycle turns out before I start bugging him about setting up an appointment. It’s funny how I am so optimistic that this cycle will work. I am not sure why – I think in the back of my mind I’ve decided that something in Afghanistan gave B super sperm!

Back to reality

2007-10-22T10:47:00.000-04:00

We had a wonderful time in the Smoky Mountains! The weather was beautiful and perfect for hiking. It was so nice to be able to spend time together again. We did occasionally bicker, but I had to stop myself from getting too upset about it. How many times does a normal couple bicker over the course of 4 months? Our conversations during his deployment were condensed to 10-15 minutes every week or two. Thankfully we didn’t argue during that time. We decided that if you add up all the times we could have argued, but didn’t – we are doing damn good!

Here is a picture:

After his last deployment we had to deal with the transition of him coming back home. The military calls it reintegration. We received a lot of information about it before his first deployment. I didn’t think we would need it because we were newlyweds – he left 5 weeks after we got married. Boy was I wrong! It started about a week after he came home, after the newness had worn off, and lasted about a week. I had to make myself not yell at him over the smallest things like if he put away the groceries wrong or didn’t empty the dishwasher correctly.

He has now been home a week and damn if I am not fighting the same feelings of trying not to kill the poor man! I know it will get better in the next few days, but it just makes me feel terrible. The military stresses that you need to take thing slowly because like deployment, reunion is a process, not an event. Easy to say but not so easy to tell the ‘ol hormones to calm the hell down!

And now for the good news – no UTI!! Yay! I was so happy…and so was he! Thanks again for the advice about the prophylactic antibiotics.

Let the games begin!

2007-10-16T15:41:00.000-04:00

My husband is finally home from his deployment!!

2007-10-12T16:20:00.000-04:00

I am in a funk. My husband still isn’t home. He never actually gave me a date when he would be home - I just thought he would be here by now. Then I had a horrible experience at the salon last night which still has me angry. Combine the two and you have one pissed off, slightly hormonal basket case with a cute new haircut

The girl who cuts my hair knows about our situation – Clomid made my super straight hair curly and now Letrozole is making my stupid hair fall out. She was convinced I was pregnant when my hair started getting curly which is when I made the fatal mistake of telling her. I didn’t realize how fatal it was until last night.

Within the first 5 minutes of my haircut one of the other stylists joked that my stylist was pregnant – I missed why this was funny, but everyone laughed. She is 31 and just had her third child about a year ago. Apparently she thought it would be hilarious to say that she would sell her baby if she ever got pregnant again. Then when she realized what she said, or maybe saw the expression on my face, decided it was best to tell me everything bad about pregnancy – saggy boobs, losing hair, hot flashes, no sleep, etc. I told her I had 3 out of the 4 symptoms with just my fertility meds.

She also told me that I really hadn’t tried very long so I shouldn’t be discouraged because it took her a “long time” to get pregnant with her third. A “long time” to her meant 6 months of “kind of” trying. I didn’t feel the need to go back through the 18 months of trying including one miscarriage and 6 rounds of fertility meds. I realize that when someone is trying even 2 months seems like a long wait, but knowing my circumstances I figured she would be more sensitive.

I am losing my patience fast! Please husband, come home SOON … before I start getting violent!

2007-10-08T16:19:00.000-04:00

My RE called on Friday afternoon to make sure he understood my request for the prophylactic antibiotic. Apparently the actual message got lost in translation from the nurse because he thought I already had a bladder infection that I wanted treated before my husband returned home. Once the story got straightened out he was glad to write me the prescription – with 5 refills!

He also told me that my ultrasound showed a cyst on my right ovary. He thinks this is the pain that I’ve been feeling over the past few months. I am relieved because I thought it might by my endometriosis coming back. The cyst doesn’t look bad so they are just going to monitor it for now.

Still not sure when my husband is coming home. He did ask me to reactivate his cell phone and car insurance by the end of the week. I rented us a beautiful cabin in the Smoky Mountains for the 18th-21st, so he best be home by then!

I spent the majority of this weekend cleaning like a mad-woman. I am so excited for B to come home that I decided everything had to look perfect. Not really a good idea for the ‘ol sanity. Especially considering it is forecasted to rain tomorrow. We really need the rain, but my freaking white kitchen floor has no chance of staying spotless with two dogs in the rain! Plus Count must be blowing his coat because my floors seem to be covered in his hair! We did buy the FURminator a few months ago – I can’t imagine how much hair would be on my floors if we didn’t have it. If you click the link you will see pictures of dogs with piles of hair surrounding them. We thought that was just a marketing ploy until we saw the amount of hair we got off our cattle dog. It really was amazing. But to be honest, right now I just wish we could bald the dog and be done with it!

Open and ready for business!

2007-10-05T09:20:00.000-04:00

I just got a call from my RE nurse – my tubes are both open and my uterus looks great! She said it was the only normal test result from that day. Although I didn't think anything was wrong (after the preliminary results of the HSG), I was very relieved to actually hear it.

And more good news: a positive OPK!

I've never received a positive result before. And I got it on day 15, which also has never happened before! Now if only my husband would get his behind home, we could get this show on the road.

The side effects from Letrozole have been less severe and not as long lasting as Clomid. Does anyone know if unusual hunger is a side effect?! I sure hope it is because I have been so hungry the past few weeks. I mean to the point of waking up in the middle of the night to my stomach growling. I am going to pretend it’s a side effect either way.

Thanks to Katie and Kristin for recommending prophylactic antibiotics in an effort not to get a UTI the day after he gets home. I didn’t realize that there was such a thing. My RE nurse is going to ask the doctor about it and get back to me today. I would like to get it today in case he surprises me and comes home early!

October

2007-10-01T11:37:00.000-04:00

It is finally October! This is the month that B is coming home. I can’t wait! He can’t tell me the date, but I think it will be in the next two weeks. We are planning to rent a cabin in Tennessee for a long weekend to just relax and hike with the dogs.

Last year when he got back from deployment we had a huge ski trip planned and it became way too stressful. He ended up getting delayed first in Afghanistan and then in Germany. He didn’t make it home until the day before we were supposed to leave. We also learned during that vacation that it can be very overwhelming to go from not seeing each other at all for several months to being around each other constantly in a small ski lodge.

The theme for this homecoming is stress-free – other than the obvious fertility stress.

I am on day 14 of my cycle. I have two concerns that I know I have no control over, but still can’t help thinking about.

1.) My period might come on or right before he gets home. I know this isn’t a big deal, but I got my period the day before he left and it sucked. It would be nice to be able to properly welcome him home! :) My cycles are so unpredictable and seem to be getting longer – the last one was 50 days. Not sure how Letrozole will impact everything. It would be wonderful if I was ovulating when B came home, but doubtful.

2.) I will get a bladder infection when he comes home. This happened last time and it also sucked. Bless his heart, he got to do it twice before I had to cut him off for a week – this happened on our fateful ski trip noted above. I wish there was a way to prevent the dreaded UTI, but I do everything I am supposed to (pee before, pee after) and nothing seems to help. I hope that the recent violations - the ultrasound and HSG – might at least help get me ready for when he comes home. Yes, that is sad but true.

Test

2007-09-29T21:28:00.001-04:00

I had the test on Thursday. It was very painful, but not nearly as bad as I had anticipated. The part I was not prepared for was walking into the room and seeing the hot young doctor who was to perform the test! I am pretty sure I didn’t have my poker face on when I saw him. He was very nice and professional though. After the procedure he walked me through the x-rays and his preliminary findings – everything looked clear! Yay!

Other than the pain, the worst part happened when I tried to get off of the table at the end. My gown got stuck on something and yep, you guessed it - I got off of the table and my gown stayed up on the table. The doctor had to help me get my gown un-stuck. So much for leaving with any dignity.

I finished the Letrozole and I start the OPK’s tomorrow. Thanks for those who left comments explaining why Letrozole had the no pregnancy warning. It was a little unsettling to see but good to know that it isn’t harmful to me.

Letrozole

2007-09-22T21:19:00.000-04:00

Imagine my surprise when I picked up my Letrozole/Femara prescription and saw this warning: Do NOT use this medicine if you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. What?! I read up on Letrozole so I knew that while it has been known to help ovulation it has not been FDA approved for that purpose yet – it is approved for treatment of breast cancer. But I definitely wasn’t expecting a warning like this! Since this is a test cycle with my husband still being gone, I’m not too worried - but I am going to ask my RE about it when I see him for the HSG test on Thursday. You think he might have warned me.

I am on day 3 of the Letrozole and haven’t had any side effects, but I think I’d prefer to have the crazy Clomid side effects knowing that at least it was FDA approved!

Baseline ultrasound

2007-09-20T11:24:00.000-04:00

I had the baseline ultrasound yesterday. Oy! That bitch hurt! I guess not having a husband around for a few months did not make the process any easier. Luckily it didn’t last too long. At one point the nurse pointed to the screen and said “that is your uterus, where your baby will be.” It gave me chills to hear that, but I couldn’t really see anything on the screen.

The RE is going to look at the results, but I didn’t get an indication from the nurse that she saw anything abnormal. She said my follicles were measuring the right size and once she found both ovaries (right side was not being cooperative – probably not use to having something up there!) said those looked pretty good too.

I had bloodwork today, start Letrozole tonight, and have the HSG test next Thursday. To be honest I am a little scared of the HSG test now – my RE said the ultrasound wouldn’t hurt at all (WRONG!) and the HSG would be painful. Perhaps my pain tolerance sucks. I am not exactly looking forward to next Thursday, other than to hopefully rule out a tube problem.

My husband called last night to ask about the ultrasound. I was already asleep when he called so I didn’t think to sugar coat the procedure and ended up telling him that I pretty much got violated with one of those sticks they use at the airport to show the airplanes what gate to pull into, complete with condom and KY. It was funny to hear him gasp.

Happy Anniversary

2007-09-17T11:34:00.000-04:00

Today is my two year wedding anniversary! I can’t believe we’ve already been married 2 years. I also can’t believe that he has been gone on both anniversaries. Boo. I’m not too upset because he should be back from deployment in about a month! Yay!

He called last night to wish me a happy anniversary as it was already the 17th in his time zone. I sure do love him.

Tonight is not a total loss – I get to do some girl bonding (drinking wine!) while helping my good friend fold programs and make gift bags for her wedding this weekend.

Updated Game Plan

2007-09-16T20:25:00.002-04:00

The RE called on Friday to let me know that my bloodwork showed that I ovulated and my progesterone levels were very high. Yay! I was especially glad because when I told him that based on my temps I ovulated on day 36, he pretty much brushed me off. He did it in a very polite way, but told me it was unlikely that I ovulated at all since I was already on cycle day 45 and then gave me all the reasons why bbt is not very reliable. So based on the bloodwork results, he made some changes to my next steps.

Updated Game Plan:
• Reschedule baseline ultrasound until after I start, but before cycle day 5
• More bloodwork on cycle day 3
• Begin Letrozole on day 3-7
• HSG test around day 11 advice

I know the RE’s at this practice prefer using Letrozole over Clomid, but I forgot to ask why. He did tell me that the side effects last longer on Clomid than on Letrazole. Other than hot flashes and mood swings (my husband called Clomid my angry pills), I didn’t experience anything too bad on Clomid. Does anyone have experience with Letrozole? I would love to know what to expect.

Game plan

2007-09-13T20:55:00.000-04:00

The RE appointment went well. I was surprised at how much time I actually spent with the doctor talking about my medical history and going over different options. He was especially understanding of our situation with B being deployed right now. His thought was to take a fairly aggressive approach to diagnosing the reason why I am either not ovulating or ovulating so late. This is the game plan as of now:

• Tomorrow get bloodwork to test hormones
• Depending on results of the bloodwork – either take Provera to start period
(if no ovulation is detected) or wait for period (if ovulation is detected).
He thinks I didn’t ovulate since I am on day 45 of my cycle now.
• Baseline ultrasound scheduled for Monday to make sure everything looks okay
• Day 3 of my cycle (whenever it starts) more bloodwork to test hormones
• Day 10 or 11 HSG test to make sure my fallopian tubes are okay

Depending on the results of all the tests I may start Clomid or Letrozole this cycle so they can monitor my ovulation. I am not really looking forward to the crappy side effects considering that B won’t even be here.

The doctor was really optimistic about our chances – but then again he hasn’t gotten any of the test results back so I am not sure what he is basing it on. But I do feel much better now that we at least have a strategy.

2007-09-12T16:07:00.000-04:00

The big fertility appointment is tomorrow. I have spent hours filling out the freaking enormous packet of forms they sent. I am a little nervous about the appointment – even though I know it isn’t going to be a big deal. The nurse told me that I would talk to the doctor for 45 minutes and get bloodwork. That can’t be too bad. I am worried he is going to be concerned that I didn’t ovulate until day 34 this cycle. I am also struggling with the reality that I have reached the point of needing a fertility clinic in order to conceive.

I had a dentist appointment today. Most people dread going to the dentist, I always did – but I love my dentist! She is my age and even went to Auburn like me (WAR EAGLE!) We have a lot in common and today I found out that she has been trying to conceive for 2 years. I hate that she has had to go through it, but it is so nice to talk to someone who actually understands. Plus she always tells me that I have beautiful teeth!

2007-09-10T11:02:00.000-04:00

This weekend was nice and relaxing. I participated in the Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk 2007, a wonderful event to raise awareness and funds for Alzheimer care, support and research. A friend at work started a team for the walk in honor of her mother who is living with Alzheimer’s. Our team of 4 raised over $3,000! One of the signs at the race really got to me – “There are no survivors of Alzheimer’s and there is no cure” – true, but so very sad.

On a side not, I am pretty sure I qualify as a Mountain Dew addict. It was pouring rain on Sunday – which we really needed – when I felt that I really needed a Mountain Dew. So instead of waiting for the rain to abate like a reasonable person, I put on my raincoat and went to the store to buy some Dew (and got completely drenched). But damn did that Dew taste good! Now I should be good for the week.

Talented pup

2007-09-05T15:40:00.000-04:00

I figured I needed a happy post - so I will brag about my talented pup. What does my pup do, you ask. He runs on the treadmill! Don’t believe me? Check out this video:

(Note: Please mute the volumn, or you will hear me sound like a complete idiot.)

We got this idea from Cesar Millan, aka the Dog Whisperer. All we have to say is “get on your run” and he runs down to the basement and hops on the treadmill. It is hilarious.

Disclaimer: Don’t worry, no animals were harmed in the making of this video. He has plenty of room to jump off the treadmill if he wants, he isn't on for very long, and we don’t leave him unattended.

Deployments suck

2007-09-04T21:35:00.001-04:00

I got to talk with B yesterday. We had a wonderfully long – 15-20 minute – conversation. I am lucky in that I get an email or phone call from him every week or so. Sometimes he can only talk for a few minutes, but it is so nice to hear his voice. Towards the end of his last deployment I learned that if I keep a list of things I want to tell him, our conversations are much easier. There is nothing worse than awkward pauses because we both are so excited to talk to each other that neither can think of anything to say.

This time I got to tell him a lot of funny stories – like that our Australian cattle dog, Count, farted so loud he jumped and then sniffed his butt (he alternates between jumping and growling at his butt when he farts!). Or that my brother called my mom this weekend to ask what you should do “if someone eats poop.” They have a miniature wiener dog who apparently left a surprise on the carpet, which my niece promptly put in her mouth. Nobody realized what happened until they went to wipe the “dirt” off of her hands, and it smelled funny. This one had B howling he was laughing so hard. I like conversations like this because I can forget how far away he is. Topics I steer clear from: his scary work/location, my boring work, next steps in our trying to conceive process, news, and celebrity gossip (oddly enough, he is not a fan).

After I got off the phone with B, I was washing dishes (with dishwasher open) when all of the sudden I heard a horrible crash. Turned around and saw Count with the bottom rack of the dishwasher attached to his collar! Somehow while he was licking the silverware - naughty dog! - he got himself attached. I wish I had a video of him running down the stairs to our basement with the bottom rack of our dishwasher “chasing” him while silverware is bouncing off the stairs. Thankfully I had only loaded three plates and miraculously they didn’t break during the chaos. My immediate reaction (after detaching said dishwasher rack) was to pick up the phone and begin dialing B’s cell phone. Then I realized where he was and it felt like the wind got knocked out of me.

This is so not what I pictured married life to be like. Not that I thought it was going to be all roses and butterflies – but I never expected to be alone half of our first 2 years of marriage, dealing with the reality of B’s job, and struggling to get pregnant. Poo, I just miss him so much.

2007-08-31T11:29:00.000-04:00

After starting my blog yesterday I began reading other ttc blogs. Holy Hell! I cannot begin to fathom the heartache and grief of these courageous women who have tried so many means to get pregnant. Pretty much everyone I know was able to get pregnant almost immediately. For that reason, we have told very few people that we are trying to conceive because I didn’t want the questions, especially as it starting taking a while - hence the creation of a blog no one in real life knows about.

After reading the blogs of those ttc, I am amazed at how so many keep such a positive attitude, often causing me to laugh out loud one minute – a no-no at work – and tear up the next. I was inspired to get my head out of my butt and stop feeling sorry for myself that it hasn’t worked yet. I am determined to not stress myself out about it when B gets home. It’s bad enough that he is in a hostile environment now with crazy insurgents everywhere; the last thing he needs when he gets home is a crazy as hell wife who can’t stop muttering about cervical mucus and the like. (I will have to remind myself to re-read this post when B does get home … crazy comes so naturally to me I’ll need a refresher on why I need to put a lid on it.)

Thanks for the inspiration, ladies!

Let the blogging begin

2007-08-30T10:35:00.001-04:00

I finally decided to start a blog – I think primarily so I can get my thoughts/rants out without driving those I love (read: husband) crazy. We have been married for almost 2 years. He (B) is currently deployed to heaven knows where, but I am fairly certain it isn’t a pleasant place. This is a short, 3-4 month, deployment however I have learned that short is a relative term when your loved one is away, especially in a dangerous place. He should be back in October, probably mid to late October, and it can’t come soon enough. For the most part I am doing well. It is obviously hard being alone but I understand this is something that he needs to do and I am very proud of him. That being said, it also SUCKS to be alone. I guess I am not really alone – we have two monsters, I mean dogs, that keep me very busy: Count (short for Count Chocula) and Molly

I am trying to stay busy and not focus on the gigantic elephant in the room – trying to get pregnant … again. We started trying when he got home from his last deployment in March 2006. I was diagnosed with endometriosis when I was 21, but after treatment I hadn’t had any problems, so I assumed getting pregnant would be a breeze. Damn optimism. After 7 months of trying, my doctor said I ovulate late (24+ DPO) and should consider fertility meds. Lo and behold that month (November 2006) I get a positive pregnancy test, actually 5 positive pregnancy tests! We were so excited. I had to wait a few days to get into the doctor for a blood test, but finally got in the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. It was important to me to get in before Thanksgiving because we were traveling down to Florida to spend Thanksgiving with my parents and I wanted a confirmation from the doctor before I told them. The blood test takes 24 hours to get results. I remember stopping at Backyard Burger in Nashville on our drive to Florida Tuesday evening – after eating I went to the bathroom and saw blood. I was devastated, but still thought it would be okay. Damn optimism. The doctor’s office called Wednesday morning to tell me that while my test came back positive they wanted me to come back for “additional tests.” When I told her that I was already bleeding, she said that she figured it would happen soon because my pregnancy hormone, hcg, was so low. I thought I would be okay once she told me because I pretty much already knew, but when I told B that it was a miscarriage I broke down. Generally tears scare the hell out of him, but he was great and just held me while I cried.

Fast forward to June – I finished my 6th round of Clomid (three of those with Metformin) and still nothing. Each month I thought it was our month. Damn optimism. The worst was getting my period the day before B deployed. That was a new low for me, even though I tried to put on a happy face because he was about to leave. My gyn has now referred me to a fertility specialist. I honestly never thought I would need it. I joke with B that we wasted a lot of money on birth control before we started trying to get pregnant! He disagrees - his thought is if we didn’t want to get pregnant I would get knocked up immediately. My appointment with the fertility doctor is on September 13. Hopefully he can figure out what is wrong *quickly* and I can get pregnant soon after B returns from deployment.

Wow! I feel much better after getting all that out. I didn’t intend to write much this first time, but I think I needed it.